Yesterday….
It wasn’t much, but it was enough to keep me thinking about it all day. That hug…I didn’t want it to end…I felt safe. Even though it felt weird even talking to u because I felt as if I was talking to a different person, through the hug I felt…well I knew that u cared and that it was u, the u that has been there for me. We aren’t meant to be TOGETHER, but I know u were put in my life for a reason, otherwise u wouldnt have come back into my life at all. Sometimes u can’t help who u care about and who stays in ur life…and for u, to God, I say thank u.
No matter how bad for me u are…I cannot be me without u in my life, even as just a friend…ok kinda more than JUST a friend lol!! But that’s ok. I keep trying to find the the fault, the bad, where everything is going to go wrong because it always does. But I can’t…this situation is different than it has been. Yes I think I do love u, but not a relationship kinda love…its different. And I like it lol (Source: lovequotesrus)
I almost hate that I feel most alive whenever I’m talking to u…I feel like me…one of the only times I ever really feel like me…that is just sad. & I don’t think u know that. U just might know me more than most…we may never end up together…but that just proves how much I need u in my life….I can’t let go. Not yet. Ur a part of me. Sometimes I think all u want is to get in my pants, but the fact that u keep txting me no matter how many times I’ve said no in the past several years proves me wrong. Thank u for helping me be me…idk how else to put that…but thank u for showing me a lot about myself. (Source: lovequotesrus)
been a while….
its been a while since i’ve posted anything…i miss being younger and not having to do anything except homework instead of having to take care of a damn house and bills and stuff…never have time for much of anything anymore…guess thats what growing up is. time to vent a bit. i keeping going over it in my head and keep trying to figure out why you can’t choose me…why i can’t be the one…the only one, you want. but no, you have to have your wide selection of girls…you can’t be happy with just one, not even the one you have that probably has no idea how much of a cheater you are. if you’re obviously not happy with her because you’re still trying to get with other girls, then why the hell are you with her? i’m not saying choose me…i’m just saying choose one instead of hurting many in the process. at this point i don’t care about you hurting me cuz you’ve already hurt me so much that i’m almost jaded when it comes to you. but it upsets me because i look forward to talking to u, to seeing u, to reading you’re texts. you say you love me, but 1)i don’t believe it, 2) i doubt you mean it, 3) you can’t love me, you just can’t. no matter how much you tell me that, i will never, never, never ever, tell you i love you back. you can never know. that would just show you that you…you’re my weakness. i almost got over you…almost had someone new…then apparently he found something better too. i seem to always be the second option that never gets chosen…especially after i’ve already fallen. now there may hopefully be someone new…he may be naive and new to everything, and yes i am his second option too, but in a way i guess he is my second option too. but he’s sweet…and nice…and funny…maybe it will work… who know. only time will tell. all i can say is…this rollercoaster is making me a little sick. can’t say i regret anything, because it was all worth it in the end and i wouldnt trade you for anything because you’ve become such a big part of me, but i need to lose my feelings for you. theyre not as strong as they used to be…but the fact that they’re still there bothers me.
“Nothing compares, no worries or cares, regrets and mistakes, they’re memories made, who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?”-Adele
how can u move on from something that never started…
I wasn’t supposed to get attached, i wasn’t supposed to miss u. i knew from the beginning that u weren’t done with her…that u were still confused, but I still had hope that maybe in the end u would choose me…but u didn’t and thats ok, i understand ur attachment to her and that says a lot about the great person u can be. but seeing u today…i felt those butterflies in my stomach…again, like i used to before. i was almost moving on, then today i remembered why i started liking u in the first place. The way u shook my hand…i knew that it isn’t really over…but it has to be, because we may not be good for each other, not at this time in our lives at least. i liked u more than i should have, more than i was expected to, more than i wanted to. i hope it all gets better for u…i probably won’t see u til august…but i hope by then, we can be friends. For now, i’m going to give someone new a chance, someone i liked before i met u, before u took over. he may be good for me, i really hope he is. moving on seems to be the story of my life…so here we go again.
elysssa Asked:
where have you been!? i misssss you! -.- Soooo I barely saw this message, still trying to get the hang of this website lol!!! I miss u too!!! I really hope I’m able to go to the beach soon, at least for one night lol!!
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